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Written by: Cricket
Article
Discussion Forum
| I
have been unusually reflective lately. An incident that triggered
this reflective mood really has me troubled. I think, in a
way, it is an epiphany. For months I have merrily buried myself
in gaming and searching for hours at a stretch, keeping my
distance from the "real world" as much as possible. A few
months ago, however, my husband mentioned that an acquaintance
of his was separated because his wife left him and their children
for a man she met online. Somehow, I cannot fathom her decision,
and it has troubled me for weeks. I believe, based on years
of experience, that love is an act of the will, not a feeling.
Feelings, in themselves, are not right or wrong, they just
are. |
When I met
my husband over 30 years ago, I made a commitment for better or
worse. It hasn't always been easy, but we are determined to make
it work, and work is the operative word here. I cannot figure
out why someone would fall for the pseudo-intimacy of an online
relationship. True, my online friends (all female) can make me
laugh and cry, and we have shared ups and downs together; but
although several of them have asked if we could meet in person,
I am not ready to meet them. Perhaps I am afraid of "breaking
the spell." You see, I have a mental picture of who they are,
and they probably have the same picture of me, and know that I
am not quite the same person online as I am offline. The "online
persona" that I project is not the real me because playing games
is a relief from the real world stresses. But the real me gets
cranky when the house is a mess. The real me snores. The real
me snaps at stupidity and incompetence, while the online me doesn't
respond that way. The online me is part of who I am insomuch as
I believe in good sportsmanship, fair play and respect for others,
but the wisecracking "cricket" online is not like that very often
offline. The nitty-gritty of the "real world" doesn't allow for
the constant projection of a good mood. Games are just games,
and the real world is not a game. When I am stressed or working
through an issue, I dissociate from everything around me for long
chunks of time, playing games for hours as I work through whatever
is on my mind.
But back to
my epiphany. I am discovering that the spell of online play is
wearing off. I am sure I will continue to enjoy my time online,
but I do not think it will be as consuming as it once was. My
online relationships are fun and occasionally intense, but they
are not as important as the ones in my house and my neighborhood.
At times, even in my pleasant little city, things can be threatening.
Why expose oneself to further threats online? I have learned a
great deal from my gaming experiences and will continue to do
so, but I think the lesson here is moderation. Developing an intimate
online relationship with a member of the opposite sex is not the
answer to one's problems. I am truly sorry to hear about my husband's
friend. He deserves better. And while I believe that his wife
could have just as easily met another man offline and left her
family, chances are that face-to-face contact may have given her
pause as she saw the weaknesses and flaws that real contact brings,
then again, maybe not.
I know this
article will elicit some strong feelings for and against what
I had to say. Go for it. While I may appear narrow-minded to some,
keep in mind that I have lived a lot longer than many of you.
What I am trying to say it don't just live in the moment; your
online actions can have serious consequences, and it could start
with a simple gaming experience.
I can be reached
at cricket146@members.womengamers.com.
I look forward to your responses. Please err on the side of caution
and stay safe out there.
What
are your thoughts on Online Relationships? >>
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