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Written by:
Cricket
Article
Discussion Forum
It is always
a challenge for me to write about a controversial and emotional
subject like online relationships. The
forum responses to these articles are interesting, thought-provoking,
funny at times and tend to take on a life of their own. But people
who are perhaps too shy to use the forum or have more to say than
the average respondent send emails directly to me in which they
reveal more than most of the forum response, and it is these emails
that hammer home to me the seriousness of what I do when I broach
a difficult subject. Since the article
on online relationships was posted, I have received emails
from readers who have entered into online relationships willy-nilly
and have paid dearly as a result. Some paid financially while
others paid emotionally and have spent months, even years, recovering
from the experience. For certain individuals, not using the intuitive
skills with which we are all born can have serious consequences,
and they have not hesitated to tell me about these experiences
privately.
I take the
articles I write, like the one on online relationships, very seriously
because I have come to realize that a few of the readers, when
they respond via email, are asking for advice and direction. The
vast majority of readers are quite comfortable with who they are
and what they feel. And that's great. I applaud the different
opinions and enjoy the cultural diversity and the different value
systems represented. But for every fifty people who have a grasp
of what can happen and are able to use good judgment and wisdom,
one comes along to challenge me into a sense of responsibility
because what I have to say could affect them.They have assumed
that because the articles were posted, what I say must be true.
It is a huge responsibility for me to report and respond appropriately
under these circumstances, and while I am entitled to my own opinion,
I have come to understand that there will be individuals who really
count on my response.
For example,
I received this email from a teenager who has discovered Romance
chats and truly considers she had found her soulmate. She desperately
wants to believe that the new relationship is real:
| "We had
a really good conversation, we talked about hobbies, school,
movies, music, etc. until like 2:00 that morning. That was
like three weeks ago. We've been talking ever since. I asked
him if he was attracted to me or anything and he said very
much so, I told him I was attracted to him too. He tells me
sometimes he can't go to sleep at night because he can't stop
thinking of me. That was like the sweetest thing anybody's
ever said to me you know? I couldn't stop thinking about him
either. I wrote him telling him how he made me feel and all
that and how much I thought about him. It really scares me
though because I've read stories of girls getting raped by
these people and everything but he's the nicest guy I've ever
met. He's very sweet, a poet, nice, a great all-around guy.
And I dunno what it's going to lead to, but I think this happened
for a reason, maybe he is the one for me. Please write back
and tell me what you think, thank you." |
This girl
could be heading for trouble, and the fact that she wrote to me
for advice is disturbing. I am not the "Dear Cricket" of the internet,
and it is very hard to explain in an email how dangerous the situation
she is in could be. Middle-aged creeps prey on young people like
her, and it takes time and life-experience to build a value system
that can help you fully understand the consequences of your actions
and reactions. This is why I am not saying that some relationships
that develop online and (I stress this point ) over time do not
work, but it is important to note that the people who responded
positively were generally older, more experienced and worldly.
They were also very much in the minority. Something to think about.
In any case, I highly recommend that you read Dr. Wright's Internet
Safety for Teens article. The article has an excellent set
of guidelines that one can easily follow.
To all of
you who responded: thank you. I take every email to heart, and
although not every one of them needs an answer, they all help
me get a clearer picture overall of what is happening . For all
who emailed me privately: thank you for trusting me with your
feelings, thoughts and opinions. For a grey-haired, old grandma
in a little town up north to be entrusted with personal and, to
many, very real issues is a privilege, a challenge and a joy.
However, it
is also very intense - lol - I think my next article is going
to light, fluffy and funny. I don't need any more white hair than
I already have! Please, stay safe out there. I can be reached
at cricket@members.womengamers.com.
:)) Cricket
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