Just let me into the beta.
I’ve thought about this many times, but for some reason no video game publisher has called me up and offered me a job producing a video game based on these musings that go on inside my head. But it always comes up because 1) I am never completely satisfied with the games I do play and 2) I am oh so creative! So I’ve come up with these universal rules for my perfect video game. Mostly because it will save me money on therapy sessions.
Rule #1: The game has to be engrossing, but can’t require you to play for hours on end just to achieve anything. Twenty minutes and I can accomplish something.
The game that came closest to perfect for me was World of Warcraft. I played it off and on since it’s beginning in 2004, and finally got rid of my account earlier this year. The straw that broke the gryphon’s back was the addictiveness. I can’t handle it. I do not have an addictive personality – I never liked cigarettes, I drink maybe one glass of wine a week, and I’ve quit drinking both soda and caffeine with no looking back. So, the fact that I became addicted to WoW really messed me up.
Really it’s hard not to get addicted to WoW. Gameplay does not easily allow for one hour or less play sessions. On the crazy end, I recall sitting in that uncomfortable chair for 12 hours every Saturday, my poor underarmored priest dying over and over as my guild tried to attempt Molten Core (the first 40-person raid in WoW). It was hell. I hated it. I hated being yelled at over my headset by the raid leader. I hated doing the same thing 200 times with no good result. So why did I do it? Because there were people I did enjoy playing with on the other end of the internet tubes. Also every time we attempted we would advance about 1/1000 of the fight, and I guess that was encouraging. Similarly, when I beat my head against a wall, the wall or my head probably gives way 1/1000 of the thickness.
| "I hated being yelled at over my headset by the raid leader. I hated doing the same thing 200 times with no good result. So why did I do it? Because there were people I did enjoy playing with on the other end of the internet tubes." | ||
The thing is, my life suffered when I played WoW. I didn’t get out of the house, I’d rush home from work and eat dinner hunched over the keyboard. Most of all, it stressed me out. The first time I quit (for a few months) I was like a new person. I slept better, I ate better, I had fewer headaches, bills got paid, and I had time to do “stuff”.
In the end, I realized that it wasn’t worth it. The second “it” refers to the stress. The first “it” refers to the camaraderie I feel in the MMORPG, and I have found many friends. Instead I just lurk on my old guild’s forums nowadays so the new recruits can say, “who the heck is that and why are they lurking?”
Rule #2: Gameplay should be challenging, but not by way of boring, repetitive time fillers.
The Sims. Ah, The Sims. I have such a love-hate relationship with The Sims. And I’ll include The Sims 2 in this analysis. It’s a game I want to love more than I actually love.
I want to love it because of the little tiny people that I can control. I am a god and they will do as I say. Sally and John will live in this tiny house and have a tiny dog and they will be happy and procreate and flourish.
The reality is less happy wonderful and more of a grind. Sally always wants to play jokes on everyone she meets with a hand buzzer for some reason. Cute the first fifty times she does it. Then she just makes everyone hate her. And John has a crush on every woman that walks through the door. Even old Mrs. Oldypants with the white bun and the extra paunch filling out her sweater dress. And really, did they have to include using the bathroom and eating? I know it’s important for us humans, but they are Sims! I mean, it is just so frustrating to carve out like half of their day just to have them eat, poo, and bathe. That’s all they really seem to do. It’s boring after awhile. This leads me to my next rule.
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