4. WOMEN ARE INTERCHANGEABLE
Seriously, all the same. If you’ve got a quote from one, you’ve got one from all of them. “Women don’t like violent games.” “Women like constructive experiences.” It’s just like all us guys loving football, muesli, Leonard Cohen and fart-jokes. Any evidence to the contrary, such as this example from Pro-G, is clearly the result of freakish brain-parasites at work; most probably cooties.
"Women are more interested in good games,” says McShaffry. “And women are less interested in crap."
"I binge read Heat when I go to my friend’s house,” says Krotoski.
Needless to say, this means that because games aren’t appealing to women, girl gamers are mistaken about enjoying the games they play right now. They just don’t realise it yet. Your article may just be what they need to stop kicking your arse with Christie. Remember: only ever deal in absolutes. Absolutes are always 100% accurate.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Should you actually be of the female persuasion while writing your article, this rule counts double. Feel free to bring down the hammer on incredibly specific examples of What Women Don’t Like, safe in the knowledge that nobody will ever dare argue or have a contrary opinion. Just like when Mary Whitehouse was alive.
5. IT’S NOT ENOUGH TO JUST DISLIKE SOMETHING
No, you might think it is, but really it’s not. You’re not allowed to find, say, Elexis Sinclaire tacky and embarassing without adding “and demeaning” or “and exploitative” or “and sexist” or “and insulting”, or something else which takes great offense on someone else’s behalf instead of your own.
And under no circumstances wuss out by trying to be rational, like WomenGamers...
It is not our wish to impose one view of what a female character should look like, sound like, etc. We hope you will share YOUR IDEAS about female characters, and what you would like to see in future games. Hopefully, part of what WomenGamers.com is helping to create is a greater range of choices in female characters. We are not looking to eradicate all female characters with huge boobs, as we realize some gamers enjoy them…. but it would be nice if not ALL female characters had them! Get the point?
Honestly, they’ll be talking about gameplay next…
6. CHERRY PICK YOUR EXAMPLES
Games like Leisure Suit Larry are perfect fodder for righteous scorn. True, some critics might point out that there’s nothing in there you wouldn’t see in a Carry On film - well, with the exception of Magna Cum Laude, which not only absolutely is misogynistic shit, but actual shit as well - and the Carry On films are pretty popular with everyone. And that the series had a pretty strong female following throughout, due to being a harmless comedy designed to get laughs rather than get players off. And that the jokes come from Larry being a loser, not a lover. Oh, and that his real objective in most of the games isn’t getting a cheap shag - something which the game almost invariably presents as an empty experience, if it ever actually happens, and usually never actually does - but rather finding actual love and happiness; right down to getting married three times to at least two women who ultimately come to reject him despite his hopes, and constantly bumbling through embarassment after humiliation in the hope of acceptance, with almost all of his ‘conquests’ based on trying to be helpful and solve peoples’ problems in the hope of acceptance and later nocturnal reciprocation rather than directly pursuing perversion - unless a single guy who likes being around pretty ladies is automatically a pervert these days. And all that other ‘actually played the game’ yadda yadda.
It may help your argument’s credibility if you add a three-step walkthrough on reproducing asexually. Make sure to include screengrabs.
Good gracious! If you squint, that’s filth!
Alternatively, if you feel like playing devil’s advocate for a paragraph or too, The Sims should be held up as a counter-example, because it’s like a doll’s house, and girls like playing with dolls. And while obviously everyone grows out of The Hardy Boys or Just William or Winnie the Pooh, Nancy Drew is timeless. This is because girls never age, and have no interest in anything but childrens’ toys and high culture. At some point they magically move from Barbie to Dostoyevsky and all else is immature silliness. But since the closest we’re likely to get to the latter in computer games is The Brothers Kalashnikov, it doesn’t really matter.
The fact that the overwhelming majority of games, from adventures to RPG to platformers to strategy to beat-em-ups to quiz games to puzzle games couldn’t give the faintest stuff what gender you are should never be mentioned. There must be more Girl Games! Equality through segregation! It’s not patronising at all! No, it’s why all books, movies, magazines and even foodstuffs come specially wrapped in blue and pink paper, just so everyone knows what they should be paying attention to. Or, y’know, not. Don’t waste too much time checking or anything.
(For bonus points, say you’ve been playing Super Princess Peach and liked it; quickly adding that you had to take insulin shots to get past Level 5.)
Articles on WomenGamers.Com solely reflect the experiences and perspectives of the author(s). Feel free to agree or disagree in the accompanying forum thread.
