Online Relationship: Follow Up

[cricket]

<a href="http://www.womengamers.com/articles/relationships2.html"><img src="http://www.womengamers.com/articles/relate2.gif" border="0" align="left"></a>Since the posting of our Senior Correspondant's article on Online Relationships, many of you have not only posted to the discussion forum but have also emailed her personally. Cricket has compiled a <a href="http://www.womengamers.com/articles/relationships2.html">follow up</a> based on those responses.

[Anonymous Poster]

Cricket, you are my *dream grandma*! Your voice in your articles are always so genuine. I am glad that you write here... <br>
<br>
-Daniella

[Chis]

Even though I know a couple that met online and are now happily married, I think the whole online relationship thing is a bad Idea. For me, there is so much more than words in a conversation. People just can't get sarcasim or body language over the internet. I can't imagine getting into a relationship with someone I've never seen before. For me there is something much more powerful about being in someone's presance than looking at pictures or words on a screen. I think it's possible to meet someone online, but I wouldn't ever know that "for sure" a certian girl is "the one" until I met her and talked to her for a while. <br>
<br>
I don't tell lies about myself online, but nobody ever belives my story. It goes something like: "Yeah, sure you went to boarding school in Austria for 2 years, but <br>
you just happened to go to a public school in the US for your senior year. Oh and you're 22 and never had a girlfriend. You think I'd be stupid enough to fall for <br>
that!" I don't blame them. I have a hard time believing it sometimes. <br>
<br>
Also, if you see someone in real life don't e-mail them until you've met them properly and had a conversation face to face. I accedently did this once and I think <br>
she thinks I'm putting up a front online. What can I do though? Saying "No really, I'm telling the truth" just doesn't cut it...

[Atari]

"For a grey-haired, old grandma in a little town up north to be entrusted with personal and, to many, very real issues is a privilege, a challenge and a joy. However, it is also very intense - lol - I think my next article is going to light, fluffy and funny. I don't need any more white hair than I already have!" <br>
<br>
Hahaha, I don't blame you. <br>

[Circe]

[cricket]

Cricket, you are my *dream grandma*! Your voice in your articles are always so genuine. I am glad that you write here... <br>
<br>
-Daniella

lol - you make me believe that all is not bad with the world - that was so sweet - thank you ) Cricket

[Siege]

Even though I know a couple that met online and are now happily married, I think the whole online relationship thing is a bad Idea. For me, there is so much more than words in a conversation. People just can't get sarcasim or body language over the internet. I can't imagine getting into a relationship with someone I've never seen before. For me there is something much more powerful about being in someone's presance than looking at pictures or words on a screen. I think it's possible to meet someone online, but I wouldn't ever know that "for sure" a certian girl is "the one" until I met her and talked to her for a while. <br>
<br>
I don't tell lies about myself online, but nobody ever belives my story. It goes something like: "Yeah, sure you went to boarding school in Austria for 2 years, but <br>
you just happened to go to a public school in the US for your senior year. Oh and you're 22 and never had a girlfriend. You think I'd be stupid enough to fall for <br>
that!" I don't blame them. I have a hard time believing it sometimes. <br>
<br>
Also, if you see someone in real life don't e-mail them until you've met them properly and had a conversation face to face. I accedently did this once and I think <br>
she thinks I'm putting up a front online. What can I do though? Saying "No really, I'm telling the truth" just doesn't cut it...

I'll believe your story; there's nothing available to contradict any of its facts. I've spent an average of about seven hours per day online for the past six years; text is a natural medium of expression for me. However, I have never managed to cross the separating boundaries between online and offline relationships, except for two people: my sister and her fiancee. <br>
<br>
Email is a vital part of my connection to the world, but for the most part it is a business transaction and not an emotional expression; thus I would never gush out my smitten feelings to someone via email if I couldn't do it face to face. I can't speak for anyone else, but I regard email as simply a letter or booklet passed my way, and not a conversation in and of itself. Where I find a confessional letter inappropriate to a brief acquaintance, so that same letter will not be sent via email; instead, I'll log into one of my MU*'s and talk about it. <br>
<br>
And that's about enough talk here, for me, for one day.

[Anonymous Poster]

I am almost 15 and live in Arkansas. I have 2 online relaltionships. One with a 15 year old guy in New Jersey, and one with a 15 year old guy in Florida. I think it is a good thing for people who have trouble in real relationships. It makes them feel like someone really cares about them. It's healthy as long as you don't go out and meet that person unless it is in a public area with friends. You never know, they might not be who they claim to be. I like having internet relationships because I don't have high self-esteem, and I don't think I'm all that pretty, even though other people do. It lets people get to know you and like you for your personality and not your looks.

[zuul]

I am almost 15 and live in Arkansas. I have 2 online relaltionships. One with a 15 year old guy in New Jersey, and one with a 15 year old guy in Florida. I think it is a good thing for people who have trouble in real relationships. It makes them feel like someone really cares about them. It's healthy as long as you don't go out and meet that person unless it is in a public area with friends. You never know, they might not be who they claim to be. I like having internet relationships because I don't have high self-esteem, and I don't think I'm all that pretty, even though other people do. It lets people get to know you and like you for your personality and not your looks.

I just had to write a response to you because I think it is a shame that you don't feel good about yourself. Believe me, I have been where you are. I couldn't buy a date (much less self-esteem) until I was in my early 20s. For a long time, I believed that I was ugly or would never find someone who would like me for who I am _and_ what I look like, but I was wrong. And that led me to go after anyone who showed me the slightest attention, which often left me feeling even worse. Now when I look back, I really wasn't ugly at all...ok, so there were a few years where I was still a frog princess, but everyone goes through those phases. Maybe you don't feel like you've blossomed yet, but you will! And it is the knowledge that you are a fantastic person all around that should carry you through those awkward years. You need to listen to your friends and family who tell you that you're beautiful and wonderful because they're right!! Don't let anyone, even yourself, tell you otherwise. If you want to email me privately, feel free.

[la_loba]

I am almost 15 and live in Arkansas. I have 2 online relaltionships. One with a 15 year old guy in New Jersey, and one with a 15 year old guy in Florida. I think it is a good thing for people who have trouble in real relationships. It makes them feel like someone really cares about them. It's healthy as long as you don't go out and meet that person unless it is in a public area with friends. You never know, they might not be who they claim to be. I like having internet relationships because I don't have high self-esteem, and I don't think I'm all that pretty, even though other people do. It lets people get to know you and like you for your personality and not your looks.

Remeber the story "The Ugly Duckling"? Of course you do. One of the reasons why the story has persisted is because it attests to some very true human emotions. Not being accepted....being cast out...feeling less than yourself... <br>
<br>
the whole point in the story isn't that there's something wrong with ducklings or that swans are better than ducklings but that every one has something extremely beautiful and unique about them and it takes that person to realize it (remember when the swan looks down into the water b/c he is so ashamed of his appearance only to see his beauty reflected in the water around him). <br>
<br>
One day you will find out how beautiful and special you are. It won't come from someone's confirmation but from yourself. You have to realize this. When you realize this you will also realize that you are complete in and of yourself and that while you do not need someone to complete you that you deserve love, the true love, the unconditional love not the dime-store bit that most folks are selling. <br>
<br>
When you realize this you will also find it much easier to find out where you belong in relations with others. You will not allow yourself to be with people who are too blind to see the beauty of your essence. You will realize that all of the times that you thought you were bumbling about and /or not doing things right were times that you were outside of your element and generally around people who binded your growth. You will not settle for things that affirm who you are. <br>
<br>
Happy soul searching! <br>
<br>

[DavPilky]

I just had to write a response to you because I think it is a shame that you don't feel good about yourself. Believe me, I have been where you are. I couldn't buy a date (much less self-esteem) until I was in my early 20s. For a long time, I believed that I was ugly or would never find someone who would like me for who I am _and_ what I look like, but I was wrong. And that led me to go after anyone who showed me the slightest attention, which often left me feeling even worse. Now when I look back, I really wasn't ugly at all...ok, so there were a few years where I was still a frog princess, but everyone goes through those phases. Maybe you don't feel like you've blossomed yet, but you will! And it is the knowledge that you are a fantastic person all around that should carry you through those awkward years. You need to listen to your friends and family who tell you that you're beautiful and wonderful because they're right!! Don't let anyone, even yourself, tell you otherwise. If you want to email me privately, feel free.

Funny thing about people. Even if they're ugly, the more you know em, the better they look. I look back at my ex-girlfriend, who I thought was attractive, but when I first met her I didn't theink she was all that good-looking. <br>
<br>
--DavPilky

[SlydeRule]

I am almost 15 and live in Arkansas. I have 2 online relaltionships. One with a 15 year old guy in New Jersey, and one with a 15 year old guy in Florida. I think it is a good thing for people who have trouble in real relationships. It makes them feel like someone really cares about them. It's healthy as long as you don't go out and meet that person unless it is in a public area with friends. You never know, they might not be who they claim to be. I like having internet relationships because I don't have high self-esteem, and I don't think I'm all that pretty, even though other people do. It lets people get to know you and like you for your personality and not your looks.

[red lights flash and klaxons blare] Gender Gap Alert! <br>
<br>
Most fifteen-year-old boys aren't fretting about their looks or how popular they are. They're off playing with things that interest THEM, developing skills that may or may not be useful in their future careers. As those skills develop, self-esteem comes with it, to the point that young men tend to become arrogant (only half-kidding). <br>
<br>
A quote from Kathleen Bennett: "Young women do what we call 'hitting the wall of femininity' around sixth grade," Bennett said. "They're trying to understand what their role in the world is going to be as an adult woman. And what they're getting from the media and their parents is that the main goal is to be cute and skinny and sexy, and in a lot of settings being popular is antithetical to being smart." <br>
-- from "Do Girls Truly Hate Computers?", http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,13371,00.html

[Anonymous Poster]

[red lights flash and klaxons blare] Gender Gap Alert! <br>
<br>
Most fifteen-year-old boys aren't fretting about their looks or how popular they are. They're off playing with things that interest THEM, developing skills that may or may not be useful in their future careers. As those skills develop, self-esteem comes with it, to the point that young men tend to become arrogant (only half-kidding). <br>
<br>
A quote from Kathleen Bennett: "Young women do what we call 'hitting the wall of femininity' around sixth grade," Bennett said. "They're trying to understand what their role in the world is going to be as an adult woman. And what they're getting from the media and their parents is that the main goal is to be cute and skinny and sexy, and in a lot of settings being popular is antithetical to being smart." <br>
-- from "Do Girls Truly Hate Computers?", http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,13371,00.html

Those people who make you think it's unpopular to be smart are morons. Once you survive middle and high school everything changes! I know so many guys who would LOVE to date someone who is not afraid to use their brain. When I was in middle and high school, people were intimidated by me. I knew math and knew it well. I wasn't afraid to cut open a crawfish and discover how the anatomy worked, even when my male partner looked ready to puke. People used to think I was a bit too "into school" and I think it made them uncomfortable. I didn't even consider myself a nerd (heck I wasn't even an A student), but because of my interests I was somewhat ostracized. But once I hit college everything changed. People really respect me for who I am and I wouldn't have it any other way. Be confident in yourself and don't listen to morons and you will always be content with yourself and the world around you.

[DavPilky]

[red lights flash and klaxons blare] Gender Gap Alert! <br>
<br>
Most fifteen-year-old boys aren't fretting about their looks or how popular they are. They're off playing with things that interest THEM, developing skills that may or may not be useful in their future careers. As those skills develop, self-esteem comes with it, to the point that young men tend to become arrogant (only half-kidding). <br>
<br>
A quote from Kathleen Bennett: "Young women do what we call 'hitting the wall of femininity' around sixth grade," Bennett said. "They're trying to understand what their role in the world is going to be as an adult woman. And what they're getting from the media and their parents is that the main goal is to be cute and skinny and sexy, and in a lot of settings being popular is antithetical to being smart." <br>
-- from "Do Girls Truly Hate Computers?", http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,13371,00.html

Boys do worry about popularity. Ask any nerd. Though I agree wholeheartedly with what else you have to say. <br>
<br>
--DavPilky