Playboy: The Mansion
Developer: Cyberlore Studios
Publisher: Groove Games
Not so much “hot” as “lukewarm”
Reviewed by vansau on 3/7/05
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First Impressions:
I met Hugh Hefner once, back when I was working at Disneyland. It was a just few weeks after I’d been hired. I was young and innocent and had just gone on my lunch break, wandering through New Orleans Square on my way to the employee cafeteria, when someone tapped me on the shoulder and politely asked where the bathroom was. I turned around and was blinded by a golden light surrounding the kindly old man in front of me. It took me a second of squinting to realize two things: this elderly gent was Hef himself (sans his famous smoking jacket, instead sporting khakis and a collared shirt) and the light was actually the glare being reflected off the gold lamaize shirts adorning the five Playboy Bunnies serving as his human walker. I quickly recovered my wits, smiled courteously, made sure I didn’t leer at the Bunnies, and pointed to the nearest water closet before trundling off to eat my long overdue burger.
Over the past week, I’ve found myself reminiscing about my brush with the man who is nearly every guy’s idol. In fact, I keep thinking about it and then find myself wondering why the hell he would let such an awful game about himself put on the market. Groove Games’ Playboy: The Mansion has gotten a lot of recent attention, primarily because both its producer and the head of its development team are women. This factor led a lot of us in the gaming community to hope that the title wasn’t going to be a total pile of sleaze. I should’ve known better from the high number of press releases sent out just before Playboy was shipped. You see, press releases are essentially a group of perfectly innocent words that have been drugged, ravaged, stripped of all true meaning and decency, and then sent out to walk the street for those who wrote them… although it’s a fairly safe bet that “awesome” and “hip” were whores from the start.
Graphics:
The graphics really aren’t all that impressive. Character models are pretty decent, in a cartoony sort of way, but the rest of the mansion feels pretty flat and dull; even when it’s been decorated with all sorts of nice TVs, foosball tables, and hot tubs. As loathe as I am to say it: the characters feel much more tangible than their environments. The other diminishing factor to the visuals is that while guys are relatively realistic in appearance, I have yet to meet a single woman who looks even remotely like those portrayed in the game.
The camera in the game is also incredibly problematic, since it gets stuck behind walls pretty easily and is always centered on Hef. A character-centered camera works for games where you only want to follow that one person around, but when you’re trying to decorate/design an environment it just doesn’t feel terribly functional and is often very frustrating.
Sound/Music:
Playboy has a fairly robust soundtrack, as well as some well-performed vocal instructions from various members of the Playboy Empire. However, in-game sounds are pretty weak, as well as the “speech” by characters during conversation. Basically, there’s a bunch of gibberish associated with each choice of dialogue, which sounds really silly when listened to. Sound effects are OK, but there just aren’t very many of them to listen to, so they quickly grow stale as well.
Gameplay:
Effectively, Playboy is a clone of the Maxis classic, The Sims. However, there are new gameplay ideas as well, primarily in the form of the various features used to build Hef’s magazine empire. This actually makes a fair amount of sense: it seems only fitting to have the guy decorate his luxurious home, throw parties, converse with guests, hire staff members, and get lucky on that nearby couch.
Unfortunately, gameplay leaves a lot to be desired. While I understand that the game was released on consoles as well as on PC, forcing computer players to use the same type of controls as those who are playing with an Xbox or PS2 is idiotic. Decorating the mansion is a slow and laborious process because of the outrageous prices charged for each piece of furniture, not to mention the awkward control scheme used to place them throughout the mansion. Conversations, which are used to build friendships and/or seduce women, are ridiculously simplistic. It only takes a few clicks of the mouse to have Hef go from being a complete stranger with someone to suddenly sneaking off to a deserted corner and having sex with her.
Enjoyment:
There are times when it’s apparent the developers did have a lot of fun while putting this title together over its three year development period. I found myself occasionally chuckling when characters acted a certain way, outfits were made available, various animations surfaced (the couple having sex in the bushes was particularly funny), but it happened far too rarely. It’s just too bad that the tongue-in-cheek events are few and far between; more of them might have made Playboy: The Mansion feel a lot more fun and a lot less sleazy.
Multiplayer:
N/A
Overall Impression:
Let me put it this way: this is The Sims with nudity. Yes, you can take centerfold pictures and change the Playmate’s outfit. Yes, changing her outfit entails you toggling between full sets of underwear and the same sets without a bra. Yes, when a woman decides to spend some “quality time” with Hef, she changes into nothing but thong panties. Yes, the female models heave and jiggle a ridiculous amount. Yes, all of this is kind of funny for about ten minutes. No, it doesn’t stay funny. After the sheer novelty of all this flesh wears off, it won’t take long for you to go from being amused to just feeling voyeuristic and more than a little unclean.
Marketing Efforts Towards Women:
Oh, please. Like you even need to ask. This game is meant for horny teenaged boys and no one else. Who else will enjoy ogling at all the pixilated boobs that continuously appear in the game? Certainly not anyone who was hoping for a game that wasn’t dull and frustrating.
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